#174 - Why We Wait Too Long to Say What Matters Most | Walter Green
In this episode of The Necessary Entrepreneur, host Mark Perkins sits down with Walter Green, founder of the Say It Now Movement and author of the new book The Gratitude Express, for a deep and reflective conversation on human connection, leadership, and the power of asking better questions.
Rather than focusing on tactics or traditional business frameworks, this episode explores what actually shapes meaningful lives and organizations. Walter shares why questions, not answers, are often the most powerful contribution we can make, and how unspoken gratitude quietly erodes relationships, culture, and leadership over time.
The conversation centers on the philosophy behind the Say It Now Movement, which challenges people to express appreciation while it still matters, not after it’s too late. Walter and Mark discuss why gratitude is often delayed, avoided, or intellectualized, and how that hesitation shows up in families, teams, and entrepreneurial environments.
Walter also introduces the ideas behind The Gratitude Express, a book that reframes gratitude as an active, lived practice rather than a passive feeling. Together, they examine how awareness, presence, and intentional communication can transform how leaders show up for others and for themselves.
This episode is a thoughtful listen for entrepreneurs, leaders, and anyone interested in personal growth, human nature, and building cultures rooted in meaning rather than performance alone.
In this episode, you’ll hear about:
-
The philosophy behind the Say It Now Movement
-
Why questions are often more powerful than answers
-
Gratitude as a leadership practice, not a platitude
-
What holds people back from expressing appreciation
-
Insights from Walter Green’s new book The Gratitude Express
-
Human connection, presence, and emotional honesty in leadership
If you’re drawn to conversations about purpose, self-awareness, and the deeper layers of entrepreneurship, this episode offers a grounded and memorable perspective.
📌 Connect With Us:
Website: https://www.thenecessaryentrepreneur.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thenecessaryentrepreneur
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thenecessaryentrepreneur/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheNecessaryEntrepreneurPod
X (Formerly Twitter): https://twitter.com/MPerkinsTNE
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/tnepod/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tneclips
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6xhGUE1yzy2N0AemUOlJPx?si=d1c5c316af404f15
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/no/podcast/the-necessary-entrepreneur/id1547181167
📌 Find Out More About Walter Green & Say It Now Movement
https://justsayitnow.org/
https://www.instagram.com/sayitnowmovement/
https://www.facebook.com/sayitnowmovement
https://youtu.be/mogvN4IVAdQ?si=eVx2Od9fRPyu6nja
https://www.amazon.com/Gratitude-Express-Walter-Green/dp/B0FV228NTD
00:00:00,066 --> 00:00:05,214
The power of anybody's contribution is always in the form of a question, not an answer.
2
00:00:25,371 --> 00:00:29,390
All right, you all welcome back to another episode of the necessary entrepreneur.
3
00:00:29,390 --> 00:00:40,251
And one of the things that I personally enjoy as I get to spend time with guests for a few
minutes before every episode, so many things now are done via zoom and riverside.
4
00:00:40,251 --> 00:00:41,471
We don't get to be in person.
5
00:00:41,471 --> 00:00:41,951
We're in person.
6
00:00:41,951 --> 00:00:48,411
I spend maybe an hour, but the 10 or 15 minutes that I get to spend before these episodes
always are enlightening for me.
7
00:00:48,411 --> 00:00:54,187
And it tells me how much I'm going to enjoy and appreciate and grow from the next 45 to 50
minutes.
8
00:00:54,187 --> 00:00:58,150
And those that really know me well, I don't just pass out accolades.
9
00:00:58,150 --> 00:00:59,591
I don't just prop people up.
10
00:00:59,591 --> 00:01:01,202
should more than I more than I do.
11
00:01:01,202 --> 00:01:04,174
But I think today's going to be one of those moments for me.
12
00:01:04,174 --> 00:01:06,256
And I think then it's going to be a moment for me.
13
00:01:06,256 --> 00:01:07,307
hope it's one for you.
14
00:01:07,307 --> 00:01:14,202
So I'm going to jump in here to the intro to, um, in almost 200 episodes to talk to our
first Walter.
15
00:01:14,202 --> 00:01:17,164
So today's guest is Walter Green.
16
00:01:17,164 --> 00:01:22,043
Walter spent 25 years as the CEO of Harrison Conference Services.
17
00:01:22,043 --> 00:01:27,723
leading the company through decades of growth, change, and real leadership responsibility.
18
00:01:27,723 --> 00:01:32,863
More recently though, he's the founder and CEO of the Say It Now movement.
19
00:01:32,863 --> 00:01:40,143
The author of a new book called The Gratitude Express out in January of 2026 when we're
recording this.
20
00:01:40,143 --> 00:01:45,283
And the creator of the 2025 documentary Say It Now.
21
00:01:45,283 --> 00:01:47,743
And then some TEDx's and a lot of different things.
22
00:01:47,743 --> 00:01:51,267
Walter brings a rare perspective shaped by long-term leadership.
23
00:01:51,267 --> 00:01:54,013
and decisions that only show up over time.
24
00:01:54,015 --> 00:01:57,544
I'm personally looking forward to digging into those lessons today.
25
00:01:57,544 --> 00:02:00,751
So Walter, welcome to The Necessary Entrepreneur.
26
00:02:00,751 --> 00:02:02,172
Thank you very much.
27
00:02:02,413 --> 00:02:06,538
name of the movement is Say It Now, and we'll talk more about that later.
28
00:02:06,787 --> 00:02:07,588
Awesome.
29
00:02:07,588 --> 00:02:11,291
So I just think that we could talk for hours.
30
00:02:11,291 --> 00:02:16,676
have a short 45 or 50 minutes here because, uh, time's the most valuable thing we have.
31
00:02:16,676 --> 00:02:17,827
like, let's get to it.
32
00:02:17,827 --> 00:02:34,691
But this book, the gratitude express, those two words seem like they could be a foundation
for what I've learned in my short 46 years, a foundation for a great life.
33
00:02:35,031 --> 00:02:43,524
And express, I don't know if we're going to use the metaphor for a train, but also for
some reason you might smack me and tell me I'm wrong, but speed has meant a lot to my
34
00:02:43,524 --> 00:02:44,374
life.
35
00:02:45,614 --> 00:02:55,937
and gratitude, seems like I'm coming more into this season of expressing and feeling more
gratitude for the things I have for the opportunities that continue to show up in my life.
36
00:02:55,937 --> 00:03:00,218
And honestly, for the roles that I get to play in helping people change theirs.
37
00:03:00,218 --> 00:03:02,709
so tell us about this book.
38
00:03:03,599 --> 00:03:10,464
Well, the book is really an outgrowth of I don't want to shortchange your audience.
39
00:03:10,464 --> 00:03:13,256
think I need to set the table a little bit for this.
40
00:03:13,256 --> 00:03:21,892
Uh, and then the gratitude express will fit into the program more than featuring a
specific response.
41
00:03:21,892 --> 00:03:26,035
So I kind of describe my life in three segments.
42
00:03:26,035 --> 00:03:31,659
The first 29 years, I was just trying to figure out what I'm going to be doing with this
life.
43
00:03:31,659 --> 00:03:32,429
was.
44
00:03:32,441 --> 00:03:39,847
moved to 16 different cities, really had no friendships because they never lived long
enough in the same town to make a good friend.
45
00:03:39,847 --> 00:03:48,723
The next 29 years, I kind of focused on finally finding something that was meaningful
work.
46
00:03:48,924 --> 00:03:53,807
And I had tried 13 jobs before this, so it wasn't like I wasn't trying.
47
00:03:53,807 --> 00:03:59,035
But I found this startup idea of building executive conference centers, which became
48
00:03:59,035 --> 00:04:04,035
Probably the largest network of centers of executive education in the country.
49
00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:05,495
Very proud of that.
50
00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:10,235
But after doing that for 29 years, I said, you know, my dad died at 53.
51
00:04:10,235 --> 00:04:12,675
I'm 58 at the time.
52
00:04:14,215 --> 00:04:19,035
Life is going to be more than just figuring out what you want to do for work.
53
00:04:19,035 --> 00:04:21,375
And then what do you work on?
54
00:04:21,415 --> 00:04:26,739
I thought, well, if I'm going to have any time left, why wouldn't I do something really
different?
55
00:04:27,203 --> 00:04:32,527
So I got involved in mentoring young adults and then did...
56
00:04:34,735 --> 00:04:35,115
Yeah.
57
00:04:35,115 --> 00:04:44,678
So I was actually reminded one thing during my second phase, actually made some friends.
58
00:04:44,678 --> 00:04:50,579
had five really good friends and I entertained them for my 50th birthday.
59
00:04:50,615 --> 00:04:55,060
Uh, really a wonderful weekend with their spouses and my family.
60
00:04:55,060 --> 00:05:02,953
And at that time I expressed gratitude to each one of them publicly at the reception
because they were really important to me.
61
00:05:02,953 --> 00:05:04,673
They meant a lot to me.
62
00:05:05,045 --> 00:05:14,663
And it was an extraordinary experience having the opportunity to express the gratitude,
little less what it must have meant to them that they had had that impact in my life.
63
00:05:14,663 --> 00:05:20,367
So that's the first kind of stake in the ground to this gratitude guy.
64
00:05:20,888 --> 00:05:27,003
And then I became a little bit more sensitive to the fact that that was such a good
experience.
65
00:05:27,003 --> 00:05:29,555
I assume a lot of other people are doing it.
66
00:05:30,907 --> 00:05:31,763
Mm.
67
00:05:32,131 --> 00:05:33,311
I was shy.
68
00:05:33,512 --> 00:05:38,956
So read about Tim Russert, you're probably, maybe a little too young to remember Tim.
69
00:05:40,057 --> 00:05:40,978
Okay.
70
00:05:40,978 --> 00:05:45,120
So, you know, he gets a heart attack, dies in his fifties.
71
00:05:45,421 --> 00:05:48,543
He has 1500 people at his funeral.
72
00:05:48,763 --> 00:05:53,887
The tributes paid to him by former presidents, astronauts, and everyone were unbelievable.
73
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:58,090
And I thought, wow, that's unbelievable.
74
00:05:58,090 --> 00:05:59,481
And then I thought,
75
00:06:00,987 --> 00:06:03,509
The man they're honoring is in a casket.
76
00:06:06,267 --> 00:06:07,913
He never heard a word of it.
77
00:06:10,075 --> 00:06:20,242
And then proceeded to come across books like Tuesdays with Morrie, who was in his last
year and he got very authentic telling his student about life and then he dies.
78
00:06:20,242 --> 00:06:30,509
And the chairman of KPMG, big public accounting firm knew he had four months to live and
wrote a book called Chasing Daylight.
79
00:06:30,509 --> 00:06:38,274
And all of a sudden they begin to focus on getting connected to people who've been alive,
have been important during their life.
80
00:06:39,015 --> 00:06:40,235
And then they die.
81
00:06:40,603 --> 00:06:42,086
but they don't have time.
82
00:06:43,615 --> 00:06:46,103
coming up on my 70th birthday.
83
00:06:48,173 --> 00:06:54,985
I asked my wife, I did not want to be in the situation where people pay tribute to me when
I'm gone.
84
00:06:54,985 --> 00:07:00,407
And I didn't want to have my friends go without me paying tribute to them more
importantly.
85
00:07:00,407 --> 00:07:15,591
So I asked my wife for a birthday gift on my 70th birthday that would allow me to travel
around all parts of the United States, Canada, Mexico, Kenya, give me a chance to sit down
86
00:07:15,591 --> 00:07:16,613
in person.
87
00:07:16,613 --> 00:07:19,104
But everybody had been important in my life.
88
00:07:19,404 --> 00:07:21,604
That was an unbelievable experience.
89
00:07:21,604 --> 00:07:30,727
Turned out there were 44 people, a publisher called Hey House heard my journey, asked me
to write a book.
90
00:07:31,247 --> 00:07:40,710
And so that was the first book that I wrote called This Is the Moment, how one man's year
long journey captured the power of extraordinary gratitude.
91
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:46,459
And in that book, I'll get to your gratitude expressed in a minute, but in that book.
92
00:07:46,459 --> 00:07:49,819
I wrote about how I came up with this idea.
93
00:07:50,779 --> 00:07:56,879
You know, where'd you come up with this idea that you go visit people when they're alive
to tell them how important?
94
00:07:57,279 --> 00:08:00,599
And I brought them in on the conversations that I had.
95
00:08:00,879 --> 00:08:03,819
And then the last third of the book was, listen, that's what I did.
96
00:08:03,819 --> 00:08:06,499
How about you thinking about what you want to do?
97
00:08:06,499 --> 00:08:09,399
That book influenced thousands of people.
98
00:08:10,079 --> 00:08:13,019
And I really thought I was onto something.
99
00:08:13,019 --> 00:08:14,195
You know, it's...
100
00:08:14,777 --> 00:08:18,029
rare that you find something totally new.
101
00:08:18,029 --> 00:08:33,140
I was shocked, shocked at how gold, this is like human relations gold, the idea that we
all have been trained to wait till a person dies to pay tribute to them.
102
00:08:33,361 --> 00:08:42,347
Now I'm not saying it's 100%, but if I had a nickel for all the regrets that people feel
for things, I wish I had told them when they was alive.
103
00:08:43,635 --> 00:08:46,597
I'd be quite wealthy.
104
00:08:47,798 --> 00:08:57,063
from the feedback on the, this is the moment book, I then was asked to do a Ted talk.
105
00:08:57,503 --> 00:09:05,268
And the Ted talk, I tried to say, you know what, I'm really perplexed why we wait till
people go.
106
00:09:05,268 --> 00:09:11,311
So this isn't a discussion of the great areas of gratitude that we should be thankful for.
107
00:09:11,375 --> 00:09:16,479
freedoms and our fresh water and our conveniences, this has nothing to do with it.
108
00:09:16,479 --> 00:09:23,925
This is a drill down in the specific area that none of us are self-made.
109
00:09:24,966 --> 00:09:26,327
None of us are self-made.
110
00:09:26,327 --> 00:09:33,172
And all the speeches I've ever given, I've never met one person who actually legitimately
said he did it all on his own.
111
00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:36,355
So with that premise,
112
00:09:38,139 --> 00:09:46,359
The answer is if we wait, we're never going to be giving the gift that only we could give
to that person.
113
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:49,599
So you can't ask somebody will give him this gift.
114
00:09:49,599 --> 00:09:54,399
You're uniquely able to describe the impact the person had on the life.
115
00:09:54,599 --> 00:10:03,619
So I then decided I was not getting any younger, but I was going to take a shot when I
was, guess I should declare myself when I was 82.
116
00:10:03,619 --> 00:10:04,999
Now I said,
117
00:10:05,047 --> 00:10:06,988
I think this should be a global movement.
118
00:10:06,988 --> 00:10:10,092
This isn't just a United States opportunity.
119
00:10:10,092 --> 00:10:11,453
This is a global movement.
120
00:10:11,453 --> 00:10:25,245
So I've spent the last four years um with podcasts and actually teaching materials to over
80,000 schools around the world.
121
00:10:25,907 --> 00:10:31,069
So Say It Now has been taught in 85 countries.
122
00:10:31,361 --> 00:10:35,733
and it has inspired over 10 million expressions of gratitude.
123
00:10:36,374 --> 00:10:39,556
So we're onto something.
124
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:43,077
It's been, the message is powerful.
125
00:10:43,498 --> 00:10:46,109
And we'll talk a bit later if you're interested.
126
00:10:46,109 --> 00:10:50,362
I've never had one person come to me and said, you know, I'm sorry I did it.
127
00:10:50,362 --> 00:10:52,803
I've got thousands of the other kind.
128
00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:55,644
So now I'll get to your question about the book.
129
00:10:57,066 --> 00:10:59,206
Really two things, one is,
130
00:11:00,543 --> 00:11:07,629
Zoom, what we're doing, allows you to actually create a group of people to pay tribute to
somebody.
131
00:11:07,629 --> 00:11:10,351
So that is even more powerful.
132
00:11:10,351 --> 00:11:16,396
And I've done that many times in addition to the one-on-one, which really is wonderful.
133
00:11:16,396 --> 00:11:19,238
You can also with Zoom, nobody has to travel.
134
00:11:19,238 --> 00:11:26,083
You can bring one person to your call and pay tribute to him from a group.
135
00:11:26,364 --> 00:11:30,477
So I was thinking about, maybe I should
136
00:11:30,619 --> 00:11:39,339
do another book that has the story that is kind of the birth of the Say It Now movement.
137
00:11:39,479 --> 00:11:44,379
Actually, the documentary is called Say It Now.
138
00:11:45,899 --> 00:11:50,339
And actually, it my son who said, Dad, know, a lot of people are learning visually now.
139
00:11:50,339 --> 00:11:53,999
In addition, there are less people that seem to be reading.
140
00:11:54,639 --> 00:11:55,699
So,
141
00:11:57,303 --> 00:12:00,684
It just so happened that I said, well, maybe I should do a documentary.
142
00:12:00,684 --> 00:12:04,425
And so it was just released on November 15th.
143
00:12:04,775 --> 00:12:09,306
we've had over 600,000 views in the first two months.
144
00:12:10,327 --> 00:12:24,110
the message is just powerful, but getting now to the book, decided the first book was a
more enlightenment, educational, prescriptive, if you would, uh, the, is the moment.
145
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:26,895
And I happen to have, I'm reading.
146
00:12:26,895 --> 00:12:27,675
disabled.
147
00:12:27,675 --> 00:12:31,438
ah It's very hard for me to read any book.
148
00:12:31,438 --> 00:12:35,639
So I know there are a lot of people that are also challenged by reading.
149
00:12:36,101 --> 00:12:48,268
And I said to myself, how short could I tell the story of the gratitude, power of the
gratitude movement in a short story?
150
00:12:49,329 --> 00:12:51,440
So this is very different than the first book.
151
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:53,281
This is a short story.
152
00:12:57,785 --> 00:12:59,555
Little self-promotion.
153
00:12:59,796 --> 00:13:01,916
That's the size of the book.
154
00:13:02,196 --> 00:13:04,397
It's less than an hour read.
155
00:13:05,957 --> 00:13:14,960
You finish this book, you come on the story, you were right when your presumption is, you
get on a special train called the Gratitude Express.
156
00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:18,641
And it takes to various stops along the way.
157
00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:26,233
And when you stop at these places, you will see part of your life and part of the people
who may have influenced your life.
158
00:13:26,435 --> 00:13:34,943
And by the time you're done, you realize the importance of making sure you don't miss the
opportunity to express the gratitude.
159
00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:38,807
Sorry for that long answer, but I kind of set the stage.
160
00:13:39,107 --> 00:13:42,840
Yeah, I you had to say, Mark, there's better questions than the one you asked.
161
00:13:42,860 --> 00:13:52,533
No, it's just a bigger context that I think sometimes if we create the larger
understanding, the more specific questions, a little bit more understandable.
162
00:13:53,125 --> 00:14:03,469
So, um I don't know why it's one of my favorite movies, but the holiday season, come from
the Midwest, a lot of traditional cultural things, but it's a wonderful life.
163
00:14:04,532 --> 00:14:07,265
It seems like that's a similar story.
164
00:14:09,763 --> 00:14:18,479
Well, you know, I think I've valued my friendships because of never having them when I was
young.
165
00:14:18,479 --> 00:14:25,845
there's, you know, I always think people who are deprived of things either feel like
they're victims or they're empowered.
166
00:14:25,845 --> 00:14:27,395
I was empowered.
167
00:14:28,036 --> 00:14:34,671
And so I cherish my relationships and I am so excited and so blessed.
168
00:14:34,671 --> 00:14:37,763
There's no, this is not a business.
169
00:14:37,763 --> 00:14:42,527
I'm not promoting anything except a powerful idea to enrich a life.
170
00:14:42,947 --> 00:14:46,290
There is no income that comes to this.
171
00:14:46,330 --> 00:14:51,374
It requires a substantial investment of my part to spread the message.
172
00:14:51,374 --> 00:14:59,201
ah But I consider it an absolute blessing for me to be able to be in this arena at this
stage of my life.
173
00:14:59,201 --> 00:15:06,637
And at the end of the day, although I'm proud of a lot of things, my marriage, my kids, my
family, my friends,
174
00:15:07,624 --> 00:15:11,681
This movement could very well be a significant legacy for me.
175
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:24,343
Can you think back in your life, you had these three segments, the first one to infant to
29, 29 to when you sold your business.
176
00:15:24,343 --> 00:15:32,899
And then it seems when you sold your business until now, it seems like this is a fourth
segment, but can you reflect back and remember, because when we first started talking
177
00:15:32,899 --> 00:15:41,294
before the podcast, your energy and your spirit is a decade younger than the age on your
body.
178
00:15:41,875 --> 00:15:42,715
And.
179
00:15:43,821 --> 00:15:54,893
I'm assuming that coming into this place of gratitude in your life and leaning in that
maybe started with talking to those 44 people that impacted your life.
180
00:15:56,443 --> 00:15:58,656
that it seems like it keeps you young.
181
00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:08,929
Well, yeah, I think that is an accurate reflection, but I think it's something even more
than that.
182
00:16:08,929 --> 00:16:10,931
ah
183
00:16:12,877 --> 00:16:15,746
I think we all want to know that our lives matter.
184
00:16:18,463 --> 00:16:22,250
And that is a great energizer.
185
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:27,893
And I also think being aligned to something that speaks to you.
186
00:16:29,837 --> 00:16:31,788
is a great energizer.
187
00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:35,610
And I think life experience is unbelievable.
188
00:16:35,610 --> 00:16:44,353
So I'm mentoring maybe 10 people, 10 young people for over 10 years, probably average 15
years.
189
00:16:44,953 --> 00:16:48,175
I think I'm better than I was when I was your age.
190
00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:58,479
I've seen this movie and I'm inspired by the fact that I can continue to influence.
191
00:16:58,811 --> 00:17:02,491
people either through the gratitude movement or through mentoring.
192
00:17:02,531 --> 00:17:04,751
But I think I have big advantage.
193
00:17:04,751 --> 00:17:06,051
I have age on everybody.
194
00:17:06,051 --> 00:17:08,211
I was kind of smiling.
195
00:17:08,211 --> 00:17:11,991
I always needed extra time when I took tests when I was a kid.
196
00:17:11,991 --> 00:17:14,011
I was pretty slow.
197
00:17:14,631 --> 00:17:17,151
So somebody gave me some extra time.
198
00:17:17,391 --> 00:17:27,026
I I'm 87 years old now and I'm thinking like, I've been blessed with some time, but I...
199
00:17:27,191 --> 00:17:29,746
I don't look at myself as 10 years younger.
200
00:17:29,746 --> 00:17:30,667
I'm looking myself.
201
00:17:30,667 --> 00:17:32,019
I've never been better.
202
00:17:33,243 --> 00:17:43,788
These people that you're mentoring for a decade or 15 years without us being present or
being mentored as one of those eight, nine, 10 people.
203
00:17:45,009 --> 00:17:50,811
What does that look like through a descriptive of 60 seconds or so?
204
00:17:50,932 --> 00:17:58,645
Because you wouldn't do it if you didn't feel like you were helping them and making an
impact for your wife and theirs, I'm assuming.
205
00:17:58,905 --> 00:18:00,155
Absolutely.
206
00:18:00,296 --> 00:18:12,679
Yeah, no, uh I just had a session last week with one of them and it's usually several
hours a year.
207
00:18:14,035 --> 00:18:23,533
I have a joke, I usually invite them to lunch and I never know if it's the hamburger that
I get for them, which is really a nice hamburger or whether it's the wisdom.
208
00:18:23,781 --> 00:18:30,199
But most often they all write me a note afterwards to distill the value of the experience
to them.
209
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:36,467
And I told the young man who's now 33, but I started when he was 18 and
210
00:18:38,127 --> 00:18:43,853
We all start with kind of the professional issues, but we spend more time on the life
issues.
211
00:18:47,307 --> 00:18:51,782
Each one of their responses, they're framers in terms of the values to them.
212
00:18:51,782 --> 00:18:58,229
And when I walk away and I've spent two hours, my life has been enriched because they're
in my life.
213
00:19:00,630 --> 00:19:06,956
Why do you spend, why do find that you spend more time on the wife things than the
professional things?
214
00:19:08,389 --> 00:19:09,791
They're more important.
215
00:19:17,145 --> 00:19:18,176
Why is that?
216
00:19:19,771 --> 00:19:28,071
Well, I think when we're into mislism, I built a company, I had 1400 employees, it wasn't
exactly a small operation.
217
00:19:28,171 --> 00:19:39,311
And I was really proud creating the leading company, pathfinding in the hospitality field
to create executive conference centers where corporations can go and not put up with the
218
00:19:39,311 --> 00:19:41,411
distractions of traditional hotels.
219
00:19:41,411 --> 00:19:43,283
I had a lot of pride in
220
00:19:44,837 --> 00:19:47,265
can't compare to the last 29 years.
221
00:19:49,915 --> 00:19:55,023
Because I think some of us are here to make a difference in people's lives.
222
00:19:55,686 --> 00:19:58,511
And I've got a platform to do that.
223
00:19:58,511 --> 00:20:01,075
ah
224
00:20:02,811 --> 00:20:06,491
When I was in business, there was nothing, I work really hard.
225
00:20:06,491 --> 00:20:10,591
I was really a hard worker and it was really important.
226
00:20:10,591 --> 00:20:16,891
But as I look at it as this longer mirror, it's just a part of life.
227
00:20:19,363 --> 00:20:21,007
It's just a part of life.
228
00:20:21,007 --> 00:20:28,693
And I think our work needs to be aligned with our life, not our life being aligned with
our work.
229
00:20:30,849 --> 00:20:32,460
Can you go into that a little bit more?
230
00:20:32,953 --> 00:20:42,668
Yeah, I think so many times we can work on our professional pursuit because we think
that's it.
231
00:20:44,089 --> 00:20:54,275
And then we often sacrifice personal relationships, marital relationships, parental
relationships, friendships.
232
00:20:54,275 --> 00:21:00,258
A lot of things can get sacrificed because we think our professional life is so important.
233
00:21:00,579 --> 00:21:01,699
And so
234
00:21:02,079 --> 00:21:08,041
A fairly common question that I asked both myself for the last, I've been doing this 50
years.
235
00:21:08,561 --> 00:21:11,822
I don't ever ask what I am going to do.
236
00:21:13,042 --> 00:21:17,833
I asked myself if this, usually do it in the framework of five years at my age.
237
00:21:17,833 --> 00:21:21,924
I'm now down to one year, but my younger people were probably three to five.
238
00:21:21,924 --> 00:21:32,057
And I said, when you think about your life, what would ideally be happening three years
from now for you to look back and say, I've had a fantastic three years.
239
00:21:32,281 --> 00:21:43,379
And so we break out their personal finances, we break out their professional development,
their relationships, their spiritual, their community service, each of these areas and
240
00:21:43,379 --> 00:21:44,119
it's there.
241
00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:47,462
So they get what I call the right side of the page.
242
00:21:47,462 --> 00:21:49,643
They got a picture of what success looks like.
243
00:21:49,643 --> 00:21:58,929
And as you know, even before we started this conversation, I asked you the question, what
would success look like in our conversation today?
244
00:21:58,950 --> 00:22:01,581
Because I don't ask you what I should do.
245
00:22:01,921 --> 00:22:08,242
I understand where we wanna go and it's up to me to figure out with you how best to get
there.
246
00:22:08,242 --> 00:22:13,651
And so that's why I don't talk about what I do, but I have a very clear picture of where I
wanna end up.
247
00:22:15,343 --> 00:22:16,848
And that's life.
248
00:22:17,435 --> 00:22:19,433
Business is just part of that.
249
00:22:21,163 --> 00:22:29,443
Those five people that you celebrated your 50th birthday with, they were friends, not
family members.
250
00:22:31,467 --> 00:22:34,389
Those were five close friends I invited.
251
00:22:34,750 --> 00:22:44,546
My brother, my sons who at time were 18, uh my wife and I invited.
252
00:22:44,546 --> 00:22:50,680
So we had a total of 17 people, but the feature was not for the family.
253
00:22:50,681 --> 00:22:54,663
The family members became witnesses to the experience.
254
00:22:55,344 --> 00:23:00,087
Paying tribute was really primarily paying tribute to the five friends.
255
00:23:01,209 --> 00:23:05,589
Can you take us to that, that weekend, the special parts of it?
256
00:23:06,141 --> 00:23:07,732
yeah, that's a classic.
257
00:23:07,892 --> 00:23:12,826
So yeah, so at the time I didn't have much cash.
258
00:23:12,826 --> 00:23:16,459
I mean, it was 50, I was still investing in the company.
259
00:23:16,459 --> 00:23:22,743
But I think, man, I'm 50, I may only live to 53 for the reason I described earlier, that's
when my father died.
260
00:23:22,743 --> 00:23:26,065
So I said, you know what, this may be my only chance.
261
00:23:26,085 --> 00:23:34,521
So I, you know, we've been putting on special events in our business for years, so special
events were part of what we did.
262
00:23:34,747 --> 00:23:46,587
And so I created a carton of apples and in each apple I put a flag and each flag
represented another activity and it was all going to take place in New York City.
263
00:23:46,607 --> 00:23:48,807
It was the opening of Phantom of the Opera.
264
00:23:48,807 --> 00:23:50,967
This is 36 years ago.
265
00:23:51,147 --> 00:23:52,827
Got tickets for all 17.
266
00:23:52,827 --> 00:23:58,187
I remember it was really quite a commitment and I even arranged for a limousine.
267
00:23:58,187 --> 00:24:01,913
I couldn't afford limousines, but I had to have a limousine my friends.
268
00:24:01,913 --> 00:24:07,745
And I'll always remember the first time I got into the one I fell because I thought the
seats were in a different place.
269
00:24:07,745 --> 00:24:08,724
I had never been in one.
270
00:24:08,724 --> 00:24:14,348
It was a little embarrassing since I wanted to kind of act like this was way I was living.
271
00:24:14,348 --> 00:24:17,309
In any case, we went to the theater.
272
00:24:17,309 --> 00:24:19,590
We went to carriage rides.
273
00:24:19,590 --> 00:24:21,871
We had this reception.
274
00:24:21,931 --> 00:24:24,142
Our two sons played the role of Phantom.
275
00:24:24,142 --> 00:24:28,493
The opera came in off of the balcony in the hotel room at the reception.
276
00:24:29,794 --> 00:24:31,235
But mainly,
277
00:24:32,507 --> 00:24:39,007
It was a deep expression of what each of these had meant to me.
278
00:24:39,007 --> 00:24:48,527
And I don't know if I have it, but so this is a book that was, these are all letters.
279
00:24:48,527 --> 00:24:58,027
I don't know if you can see them, but these are all letters that were put together in this
book representing what this experience had meant to them.
280
00:24:58,407 --> 00:24:59,867
I've read it many times.
281
00:24:59,867 --> 00:25:02,117
They're all passed away now, so.
282
00:25:02,117 --> 00:25:06,000
This is my recollection of our life.
283
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:12,235
But the reason I show it to you, I'm not trying to brag here.
284
00:25:12,235 --> 00:25:21,633
I'm just trying to highlight how important they were to me and clearly how important the
experience was to them.
285
00:25:25,325 --> 00:25:28,225
Was there a significance of Phantom of the Opera?
286
00:25:29,145 --> 00:25:32,920
Well, yeah, I wanted to treat them to something that they hadn't done before.
287
00:25:33,862 --> 00:25:34,499
Yeah.
288
00:25:34,499 --> 00:25:37,565
And treat yourself to a limo that you hadn't tripped into before.
289
00:25:37,565 --> 00:25:41,097
yeah, yeah, no, that was, I still remember it was so embarrassing.
290
00:25:42,219 --> 00:25:55,685
Um, these 44 people that you went around and sat down and had conversations with, were
they all structured the same?
291
00:25:55,685 --> 00:26:01,847
Did you have specific questions you wanted to ask them or were they all organic in their
own way?
292
00:26:02,627 --> 00:26:08,604
I would say yes, yes, ah but I spent my life in the conference business.
293
00:26:08,604 --> 00:26:15,420
So I really pay a lot of attention to how we use the process we use to communicate.
294
00:26:15,501 --> 00:26:18,995
So I began to think, well, I've never done this before.
295
00:26:18,995 --> 00:26:20,406
How would I do it?
296
00:26:20,407 --> 00:26:21,427
So.
297
00:26:24,283 --> 00:26:28,665
So I took out uh a legal pad.
298
00:26:30,066 --> 00:26:37,050
And for the audience, this is to me one of the most powerful questions I've ever come up
with.
299
00:26:37,290 --> 00:26:40,001
And I always think questions are really critical.
300
00:26:40,001 --> 00:26:44,374
If we get those right and our answers are good, we'll have a good outcome.
301
00:26:44,374 --> 00:26:48,456
But if we don't have the right question, it won't matter how brilliant the answer is.
302
00:26:48,456 --> 00:26:54,499
So the question is, wrote on top of the page, what difference
303
00:26:55,919 --> 00:26:57,820
did this person make in my life?
304
00:26:57,820 --> 00:26:59,661
And I put the person's name.
305
00:26:59,962 --> 00:27:03,544
And then I put bullet points down the legal pad.
306
00:27:04,205 --> 00:27:09,108
And then I looked at it, I said, I need to go talk to him.
307
00:27:09,549 --> 00:27:11,480
So that's the preparation part of it.
308
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:14,992
I know you asked the conversational part of it.
309
00:27:14,992 --> 00:27:17,754
So that was never changed.
310
00:27:17,894 --> 00:27:21,077
And if I did one today, I would do exactly the same thing.
311
00:27:21,077 --> 00:27:22,978
I nailed that question.
312
00:27:25,723 --> 00:27:34,503
that pad with me to each one of the visits, because I didn't want to, I didn't read from
it, but I wanted to be able to refer to it because I didn't want to miss making any of
313
00:27:34,503 --> 00:27:35,603
those points.
314
00:27:35,983 --> 00:27:40,523
But of course, I think you might enjoy the fact that I didn't just show up.
315
00:27:40,523 --> 00:27:42,743
mean, they were on the other part of the country and whatever.
316
00:27:42,743 --> 00:27:44,543
So I had to call them.
317
00:27:44,703 --> 00:27:48,383
This is 16 years ago and we were still using the telephone.
318
00:27:49,123 --> 00:27:55,464
So I called them and I said, you know, I'm 70 this year and I
319
00:27:55,464 --> 00:28:00,574
I want to celebrate by coming to express to you how important you've been.
320
00:28:00,996 --> 00:28:02,649
What do you think they said?
321
00:28:07,527 --> 00:28:12,141
Well, without a doubt there they were elated that you wanted to take the time
322
00:28:12,559 --> 00:28:15,480
The first question was, are you okay?
323
00:28:17,059 --> 00:28:18,061
I said, yeah, I'm fine.
324
00:28:18,061 --> 00:28:21,517
They said, you sure you're okay?
325
00:28:21,723 --> 00:28:23,536
They're wondering if this, you have four months to live?
326
00:28:23,536 --> 00:28:24,448
What's happened?
327
00:28:24,448 --> 00:28:26,203
What's causing the reflection?
328
00:28:26,203 --> 00:28:28,703
almost 100 % thought I was dying.
329
00:28:29,603 --> 00:28:35,123
That mark just shows you how unusual the experience is.
330
00:28:35,123 --> 00:28:40,343
Now with the Say It Now movement, that won't be five years from now unusual.
331
00:28:40,343 --> 00:28:43,183
They're gonna say I'm coming to do a Say It Now.
332
00:28:43,743 --> 00:28:48,443
But back then it was like, oh well, are you honest with me?
333
00:28:48,663 --> 00:28:53,443
You're gonna fly all the way across country to tell me what, you know, really?
334
00:28:54,555 --> 00:28:58,574
So I had to get over that and I did because they believed me.
335
00:28:58,574 --> 00:29:01,595
When I said it the third time, they believed me.
336
00:29:01,595 --> 00:29:10,155
And then when I went there, the conversations, once again, I didn't change it for all 44.
337
00:29:10,155 --> 00:29:10,975
It worked.
338
00:29:10,975 --> 00:29:15,615
Now everybody will have their own approach, but my approach, you asked me what it was.
339
00:29:15,655 --> 00:29:17,995
The first one was I wondered, how did we meet?
340
00:29:17,995 --> 00:29:20,095
You my wife's very social.
341
00:29:20,155 --> 00:29:22,835
She's more social than I am and she's...
342
00:29:23,863 --> 00:29:25,564
made that an important part of our life.
343
00:29:25,564 --> 00:29:27,925
So I figured, most of these must've come from her.
344
00:29:27,925 --> 00:29:29,306
I was so excited.
345
00:29:29,306 --> 00:29:31,447
Most of these I had made over my career.
346
00:29:31,447 --> 00:29:33,068
So that was kind of nice.
347
00:29:33,068 --> 00:29:34,699
So the first question is how do we meet?
348
00:29:34,699 --> 00:29:38,211
It didn't take a long time and it was kind of fun.
349
00:29:38,391 --> 00:29:46,075
The spontaneity of how you meet 44 people over the course of your life was a, that's a
rich experience by itself, right?
350
00:29:46,115 --> 00:29:50,477
So the second question was, well, let's walk down memory lane.
351
00:29:50,798 --> 00:29:52,985
Let's go down memory lane together.
352
00:29:52,985 --> 00:29:59,477
We've had a lot of shared experiences, some humors, some painful, some grief.
353
00:29:59,618 --> 00:30:03,779
Let's talk about the highs and lows for a bit.
354
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:06,200
That was the second base.
355
00:30:06,721 --> 00:30:09,062
The third base was the main event.
356
00:30:09,062 --> 00:30:13,043
That was when I said, no, this is my time.
357
00:30:13,703 --> 00:30:15,804
And I referred to my pad.
358
00:30:16,445 --> 00:30:18,926
Incidentally, I recorded all of them.
359
00:30:18,926 --> 00:30:21,306
All of the conversations were recorded.
360
00:30:21,306 --> 00:30:23,067
So I had a chance to
361
00:30:23,423 --> 00:30:26,744
go through everything that had meant a difference to me.
362
00:30:26,985 --> 00:30:36,729
And then I added a fourth base, which probably was a little self-serving, but I had known
these 44 people over a thousand years.
363
00:30:38,050 --> 00:30:43,732
And I'm saying to myself, I'd like to know how I'm gonna be remembered.
364
00:30:44,553 --> 00:30:50,335
So I said to them, listen, I'm gonna kind of build the mosaic over this next year.
365
00:30:50,629 --> 00:30:53,420
That's how long it took to do it, 11 months.
366
00:30:53,761 --> 00:31:02,865
And if you had to put a little piece on the mosaic, what piece would you put about me that
you would say should be in the mosaic?
367
00:31:03,046 --> 00:31:04,887
So that was the fourth base.
368
00:31:05,147 --> 00:31:18,815
And as I mentioned, I recorded it, sent each of them a recording with a picture and uh a
120 word letter highlighting what the experience had meant to me and framed them all.
369
00:31:18,815 --> 00:31:19,567
It was a
370
00:31:19,567 --> 00:31:21,868
Took me a month to do the mementos.
371
00:31:22,809 --> 00:31:23,620
Hmm.
372
00:31:24,264 --> 00:31:28,847
So what has you that process you went through of saying it now?
373
00:31:28,847 --> 00:31:31,253
Because that's what you were doing.
374
00:31:31,632 --> 00:31:35,261
Yeah, we didn't call it say it now at the moment, but that's exactly what it
375
00:31:35,525 --> 00:31:36,936
That's what you were doing.
376
00:31:38,239 --> 00:31:40,411
What's been the biggest and best impact?
377
00:31:40,411 --> 00:31:42,083
This is your sales pitch.
378
00:31:43,621 --> 00:31:48,684
to your wife from taking this approach.
379
00:31:53,647 --> 00:32:02,275
Well, I don't think what it meant to me would be unique, but it is powerful.
380
00:32:02,698 --> 00:32:03,918
Is that,
381
00:32:06,667 --> 00:32:14,415
I got a chance to tell everybody who had been important to me how their life mattered to
me.
382
00:32:16,091 --> 00:32:22,171
So I was given the opportunity to give the most powerful gift you can give to anyone.
383
00:32:22,991 --> 00:32:25,191
That enriched my life.
384
00:32:25,371 --> 00:32:32,670
You know, I also learned a little bit about myself, but it wasn't like shocking, I, oh my
God, never thought about that myself.
385
00:32:32,951 --> 00:32:39,631
So the biggest thing is I've lost 12 of them since that time.
386
00:32:40,411 --> 00:32:41,991
12 of the 44.
387
00:32:42,111 --> 00:32:44,831
I don't have any regrets.
388
00:32:45,221 --> 00:32:47,168
for things I wish I had said.
389
00:32:50,053 --> 00:33:03,095
So if you wanna help people accomplish what they're here for, which is letting them know
their life mattered, this is say it now.
390
00:33:03,376 --> 00:33:12,405
If you wanna eliminate any future, I can't do anything about your old regrets, but we can
eliminate any future regrets.
391
00:33:13,386 --> 00:33:13,726
And...
392
00:33:13,726 --> 00:33:14,707
uh
393
00:33:17,199 --> 00:33:27,221
The fact is that, and I have so many funny stories, I'm waiting for the first one to come
tell me, well, it didn't work.
394
00:33:29,564 --> 00:33:31,030
It's not gonna happen.
395
00:33:32,379 --> 00:33:33,019
It's not gonna happen.
396
00:33:33,019 --> 00:33:37,560
You know, I'm talking now we have millions of people who have acted on the message.
397
00:33:38,021 --> 00:33:46,439
And there's one story, I don't know if time permits here, but I think it's the, it just
happened two weeks ago.
398
00:33:46,439 --> 00:33:51,944
So this is a person who actually provides some services in our home.
399
00:33:51,944 --> 00:33:54,485
We have plants and she maintains the plants.
400
00:33:54,745 --> 00:33:56,376
And so she had read my book.
401
00:33:56,376 --> 00:34:02,171
This is the moment she said, I don't know if I ever, I don't see her very often cause I'm
out.
402
00:34:02,171 --> 00:34:03,351
doing my thing.
403
00:34:03,351 --> 00:34:11,591
So she said, I don't think I ever told you my, the time I did This Is Your Moment with my
father.
404
00:34:12,571 --> 00:34:17,411
This was before, my gratitude express is just coming out, so she wouldn't have even seen
the book.
405
00:34:17,771 --> 00:34:20,611
So I said, no, I don't think you told me.
406
00:34:20,611 --> 00:34:21,875
She said, well.
407
00:34:24,058 --> 00:34:30,525
uh I knew I wanted to tell my father what he meant to me.
408
00:34:30,525 --> 00:34:33,567
And when I thought about it, I couldn't think of anything.
409
00:34:35,749 --> 00:34:38,682
And then she said, and this is live, this is real time.
410
00:34:38,682 --> 00:34:41,706
She just walked in right in the office I'm sitting.
411
00:34:41,706 --> 00:34:44,588
She said, but then I thought about my childhood.
412
00:34:44,789 --> 00:34:49,654
I said, my God, he provided that.
413
00:34:51,355 --> 00:34:59,135
I'm going to write a letter now telling him how much I appreciated the fact that he
created that kind of childhood for me.
414
00:34:59,135 --> 00:35:00,575
So it was father's day.
415
00:35:00,575 --> 00:35:03,935
So this was a story that was last father's day.
416
00:35:04,415 --> 00:35:11,435
she said, she said, I got him a card, but in the card I wrote this letter and I read him
the letter.
417
00:35:12,335 --> 00:35:14,815
I said, wow, what was that like?
418
00:35:15,635 --> 00:35:18,855
She said, he didn't say a word.
419
00:35:19,295 --> 00:35:20,857
Thinking, okay.
420
00:35:20,857 --> 00:35:24,809
This is the first one I'm gonna have like, Walter, why did we do this?
421
00:35:24,809 --> 00:35:27,680
And of course I stayed away from any judgment.
422
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:31,012
said to her, what was that like?
423
00:35:31,012 --> 00:35:34,123
I think he, my God, what am I gonna hear?
424
00:35:34,123 --> 00:35:41,816
She said it was the best day of my life, or to be accurate, it was one of the best days of
my life.
425
00:35:41,857 --> 00:35:43,597
I said, really, why?
426
00:35:43,697 --> 00:35:47,659
She said, I got a chance to tell my father how important he is to
427
00:35:48,261 --> 00:35:59,675
He's not capable of being expressive, but that didn't take away from the joy that I now
have that he knows the importance he placed in my life.
428
00:36:00,375 --> 00:36:01,716
I ask you.
429
00:36:03,476 --> 00:36:04,067
Come on.
430
00:36:04,067 --> 00:36:05,717
Yeah.
431
00:36:06,137 --> 00:36:11,189
So I thought I had my first one there, but I didn't.
432
00:36:11,967 --> 00:36:20,895
I know that, so two things you said that you wanted to eliminate judgment or stay away
from judgment.
433
00:36:23,193 --> 00:36:32,779
I have a lot of things I'd say about that I've grown to learn about not judging ourselves
and therefore not judging other humans and that I think I've learned, but that's a
434
00:36:32,779 --> 00:36:35,664
profound statement that you just kind of littered in there.
435
00:36:35,664 --> 00:36:37,737
Why stay away from judgment?
436
00:36:38,989 --> 00:36:44,971
Well, I think often we learn more by asking a question.
437
00:36:47,363 --> 00:36:49,445
Clearly that was the case.
438
00:36:49,683 --> 00:36:52,979
I mean, if I went in and I said, I'm really sorry, you know, I'm sorry.
439
00:36:52,979 --> 00:36:54,950
I encourage you to do a say it now.
440
00:36:54,950 --> 00:36:56,732
That must've been so painful.
441
00:36:56,732 --> 00:36:59,335
I really, Oh, I feel terrible.
442
00:36:59,335 --> 00:37:01,716
Well, it had nothing to do with reality.
443
00:37:02,077 --> 00:37:03,658
That's my judgment.
444
00:37:03,859 --> 00:37:04,219
Right.
445
00:37:04,219 --> 00:37:05,921
That's how I would have judged it.
446
00:37:05,921 --> 00:37:08,633
But when I said, you know, what was that like?
447
00:37:10,235 --> 00:37:14,075
not only wasn't unpleasant, it was joyful.
448
00:37:14,075 --> 00:37:17,375
And I would have missed enjoying that.
449
00:37:18,395 --> 00:37:34,475
So to me, I have, whether it's mentoring or, you know, I've been in these presidents
groups for 50 years, three groups of guys for over 20 years, see them every month, I speak
450
00:37:34,475 --> 00:37:35,995
to them every month.
451
00:37:36,075 --> 00:37:38,267
And I would say the...
452
00:37:38,267 --> 00:37:43,029
The power of anybody's contribution is always in the form of a question, not an answer.
453
00:37:45,147 --> 00:37:51,824
And so sometimes to me answers and judgments kind of overlap a little bit.
454
00:37:53,381 --> 00:37:54,131
Hmm.
455
00:37:54,153 --> 00:38:03,885
What, um, why do you think we've had such a hard time as a human race on saying it now?
456
00:38:08,187 --> 00:38:09,141
custom.
457
00:38:10,875 --> 00:38:11,905
tradition.
458
00:38:14,811 --> 00:38:16,573
You know, it's just the way it is.
459
00:38:17,917 --> 00:38:21,003
And the way it is, is the way it becomes.
460
00:38:21,003 --> 00:38:24,099
You know, it's like, didn't have trouble.
461
00:38:24,099 --> 00:38:27,775
They just didn't see any value in it.
462
00:38:28,315 --> 00:38:31,131
Do you think it feels uncomfortable for people for some reason?
463
00:38:31,131 --> 00:38:34,267
Maybe that's the culture and just how it's been done.
464
00:38:34,435 --> 00:38:39,609
Do you think it's a vulnerability that they just don't feel comfortable in or they haven't
learned to embrace?
465
00:38:40,089 --> 00:38:42,746
Yeah, well listen, that's understandable.
466
00:38:42,746 --> 00:38:45,291
You remember the first time you learned how to ride a bike?
467
00:38:48,667 --> 00:38:50,122
Probably wasn't comfortable.
468
00:38:50,159 --> 00:38:55,425
What is there anything the first podcast you did was that comfortable?
469
00:38:57,551 --> 00:38:57,911
Yeah.
470
00:38:57,911 --> 00:39:06,659
So I don't, I think we got to help them get over the understandable discomfort because
there will be some.
471
00:39:06,659 --> 00:39:16,747
But when I try to offer people is you don't need to fly around the country and whatever,
and sit down with people in person.
472
00:39:17,409 --> 00:39:19,771
You could, but you don't have to.
473
00:39:19,771 --> 00:39:25,295
You could write a letter, powerful experience just to write a letter or
474
00:39:25,795 --> 00:39:29,757
Nowadays you can take out your cell phone and do a video.
475
00:39:29,757 --> 00:39:36,281
um you choose your own comfort level.
476
00:39:36,281 --> 00:39:44,795
And my fit, my favorite story to this point, this is a contemporary friend.
477
00:39:44,795 --> 00:39:51,969
And incidentally, there's a whole reason I'm trying to change the culture for young
people.
478
00:39:52,369 --> 00:39:55,715
And the reason I want to work with younger people.
479
00:39:55,715 --> 00:40:02,308
is I don't have to unlearn that they've been going to funerals for 30 years and that's the
way they think you're supposed to do it.
480
00:40:02,308 --> 00:40:06,479
So for my contemporaries, you gotta say, hey, wait a second, you know what you used to do?
481
00:40:06,479 --> 00:40:11,381
You can still do that, but let me suggest you do something in addition to that.
482
00:40:11,662 --> 00:40:15,343
With young people, you don't have to say, you just say, here's what we're doing.
483
00:40:15,343 --> 00:40:17,764
We put them in right into the model.
484
00:40:17,764 --> 00:40:20,125
And so for them, it's gonna be very normal.
485
00:40:20,125 --> 00:40:25,207
And I hope in years they're gonna say, you know, I've got a friend I'm going to do a Say
It Now.
486
00:40:26,693 --> 00:40:31,116
But here's the story, because stories, I think, tell the point.
487
00:40:31,116 --> 00:40:34,127
So this was a contemporary of mine, so he's not young.
488
00:40:35,068 --> 00:40:42,302
And he had one person in his life who transcended everybody in terms of the impact.
489
00:40:42,302 --> 00:40:47,163
And this person happened to be a power in Washington.
490
00:40:47,163 --> 00:40:49,115
I won't mention his name.
491
00:40:50,196 --> 00:40:51,937
He lived in Chicago.
492
00:40:52,998 --> 00:40:54,991
And my friend
493
00:40:54,991 --> 00:40:57,462
was from Palm Desert from California.
494
00:40:59,267 --> 00:41:00,873
And so I said, you know,
495
00:41:02,809 --> 00:41:06,802
My mentor is not going to be around very long.
496
00:41:06,802 --> 00:41:08,153
I'm going to go visit him.
497
00:41:08,153 --> 00:41:10,195
Now this is a guy who read my book.
498
00:41:10,195 --> 00:41:12,847
He knew my book and he's saying, I'm going to go visit him.
499
00:41:12,847 --> 00:41:14,909
I'm thinking, okay, wow.
500
00:41:14,909 --> 00:41:16,350
What a commitment.
501
00:41:16,871 --> 00:41:18,282
He calls me when he gets back.
502
00:41:18,282 --> 00:41:20,134
He said, I want to tell you about my trip.
503
00:41:20,134 --> 00:41:21,645
And so he came, we had lunch.
504
00:41:21,645 --> 00:41:23,466
I said, how long did you spend?
505
00:41:23,466 --> 00:41:25,898
He said, I spent four days with him.
506
00:41:25,898 --> 00:41:26,819
Four days.
507
00:41:26,819 --> 00:41:28,961
I never spent two days with these people.
508
00:41:28,961 --> 00:41:30,282
He spent four days.
509
00:41:30,282 --> 00:41:32,063
So I said, well,
510
00:41:32,741 --> 00:41:34,913
Tell me, what was the dialogue like?
511
00:41:34,913 --> 00:41:42,418
Now, mind you, Mark, this guy transcended everybody else in his life in terms of the
impact on him.
512
00:41:43,439 --> 00:41:53,897
He said, well, you know, when I went to leave, I gave him a hug and I told him I loved
him.
513
00:41:56,176 --> 00:42:01,047
I said, the response was, he said, I know you do.
514
00:42:03,899 --> 00:42:06,599
Uh, is that it?
515
00:42:06,599 --> 00:42:08,939
that the whole, was that it?
516
00:42:08,939 --> 00:42:11,159
He said, yeah, that was it.
517
00:42:11,159 --> 00:42:16,119
Like he was kind of a little proud of it.
518
00:42:16,119 --> 00:42:16,519
Yeah.
519
00:42:16,519 --> 00:42:17,779
I said, um,
520
00:42:19,259 --> 00:42:22,683
Did you have things you didn't say that you would have liked to said?
521
00:42:23,239 --> 00:42:26,488
He said, yeah, I did, but I'm a Marine.
522
00:42:26,488 --> 00:42:28,430
Marines don't do that.
523
00:42:29,259 --> 00:42:31,855
I said, okay, I understand.
524
00:42:31,855 --> 00:42:33,977
It's not easy for you to do in person.
525
00:42:33,977 --> 00:42:35,700
There are other ways to do it.
526
00:42:35,700 --> 00:42:38,713
And I was just like this, you could write a letter.
527
00:42:40,303 --> 00:42:42,575
We end lunch, two weeks later he comes back.
528
00:42:42,575 --> 00:42:44,486
He said, well, I gotta tell you what's going on.
529
00:42:44,486 --> 00:42:46,648
I said, okay, we have lunch.
530
00:42:46,908 --> 00:42:48,039
He said, you know what?
531
00:42:48,039 --> 00:42:49,770
I get chills right now.
532
00:42:49,991 --> 00:42:51,763
He said, I wrote that letter.
533
00:42:51,763 --> 00:42:53,714
I said, how long was it?
534
00:42:53,714 --> 00:42:55,535
He said, two pages.
535
00:42:57,285 --> 00:42:58,456
How long it take it?
536
00:42:58,456 --> 00:43:00,338
He said less than an hour.
537
00:43:01,481 --> 00:43:02,781
What happened?
538
00:43:03,063 --> 00:43:06,847
He said when he received it, he called me and he couldn't stop crying.
539
00:43:08,539 --> 00:43:10,659
And he died three months later.
540
00:43:11,639 --> 00:43:26,399
So at the time I said, so for less than an hour, two pieces of paper, one envelope, and at
the time it was a 44 cent stamp, you got closure that you couldn't get in 75 years of your
541
00:43:26,399 --> 00:43:27,027
life.
542
00:43:32,486 --> 00:43:33,966
Walter Green.
543
00:43:35,183 --> 00:43:36,518
I don't know about this.
544
00:43:36,518 --> 00:43:38,189
think you're making a difference.
545
00:43:38,189 --> 00:43:39,710
I just sit here and reflect.
546
00:43:39,710 --> 00:43:43,673
um I know you're right.
547
00:43:45,014 --> 00:43:47,065
I know you're right about this because
548
00:43:48,975 --> 00:43:56,727
The best times in my life for me are when I'm letting those people close to me know that
they made a difference in my life.
549
00:43:57,339 --> 00:43:58,585
You got it, man.
550
00:43:58,585 --> 00:43:58,955
Yeah.
551
00:43:58,955 --> 00:44:09,378
Um, it can be a mom at Christmas that you put an arm around and you just say, Hey, thanks
for all the great things you did to give me the life that I have.
552
00:44:09,738 --> 00:44:13,539
Who cares about the things that people want to point out that didn't go well?
553
00:44:13,660 --> 00:44:22,302
Because the reason why I'm here with the opportunity is because you kept the roof over our
head and you just kept working long enough and hard enough and fighting for us to give us
554
00:44:22,302 --> 00:44:24,103
a shot at living a great life.
555
00:44:24,423 --> 00:44:25,263
And.
556
00:44:25,763 --> 00:44:29,528
I think we can find those if we're honest with ourselves, and this is your point.
557
00:44:29,669 --> 00:44:34,505
We can find those in a lot more relationships in our lives if we're really honest about
it.
558
00:44:35,163 --> 00:44:42,623
Yeah, as a matter of fact, thank you for bringing up something and that is the power of
the gift.
559
00:44:43,383 --> 00:44:50,723
I'm not trying to let people just say, you know, mom and dad, I love you.
560
00:44:52,043 --> 00:44:56,743
And I even want to encourage more than thank you for the good life.
561
00:44:56,803 --> 00:45:04,583
I would like to encourage you to be very specific about the things that they did that made
a difference in your life.
562
00:45:04,583 --> 00:45:08,185
all very authentic, all very specific.
563
00:45:08,185 --> 00:45:11,727
It enriches the gift by being specific.
564
00:45:11,727 --> 00:45:20,272
And sometimes, I just wanna make sure everybody thinks about the additional power of being
specific.
565
00:45:20,593 --> 00:45:22,093
It makes a difference.
566
00:45:22,094 --> 00:45:29,197
But the emotional orientation that you bring is exactly on Mark.
567
00:45:29,738 --> 00:45:31,119
Use the expression.
568
00:45:32,432 --> 00:45:33,423
this is going to be good.
569
00:45:33,423 --> 00:45:36,414
I'm going to dig in more with, know, you remembered what it was like.
570
00:45:36,414 --> 00:45:41,236
You touched on the 50 years that you were in business, 50 something years, 58, 59.
571
00:45:41,236 --> 00:45:42,027
You worked a lot.
572
00:45:42,027 --> 00:45:52,161
And I think a lot of people that are in this segment that I'm in, that I've been in for
the past 20 years from 26 to now to 46, that it's tough to find time.
573
00:45:52,261 --> 00:45:54,602
And we tell ourselves that, but that's real.
574
00:45:54,602 --> 00:45:56,377
If we have these big goals and
575
00:45:56,377 --> 00:45:59,478
You know, we, probably don't lean into the friendships the way we should.
576
00:45:59,478 --> 00:46:14,002
And, um, but I think this is one of the things that across the 200 episodes that I've been
able to be a part of here that feels worthy to make a little bit better and more of a
577
00:46:14,002 --> 00:46:16,732
difference in our lives outside of just the daily run.
578
00:46:16,732 --> 00:46:20,854
So I appreciate you coming on and, taking your time.
579
00:46:20,854 --> 00:46:22,824
found myself in New York city last week.
580
00:46:22,824 --> 00:46:26,425
I'm finding myself in these rooms with people.
581
00:46:26,459 --> 00:46:28,139
funny, you had a story about New York city.
582
00:46:28,139 --> 00:46:33,019
I didn't trip in a limo, but, um, we find ourselves in these places.
583
00:46:33,019 --> 00:46:44,159
The more that you accomplish and you impact other people in life, the more rooms become
special and the type of people in the level of special that the authenticity you get.
584
00:46:44,499 --> 00:46:51,799
And I found myself just smiling in this room, not to talk about the people that were in
there, but for about three hours.
585
00:46:51,919 --> 00:46:56,659
And I honestly was laughing to myself and I, I was more subdued than I normally am.
586
00:46:56,749 --> 00:47:05,328
And I went, what a life that I'm 46 and it can become this.
587
00:47:06,292 --> 00:47:10,217
But here's the bigger thought I had of the three biggest names in the room.
588
00:47:10,217 --> 00:47:12,609
mean, these people are busy.
589
00:47:14,831 --> 00:47:23,698
They took their time for three hours that night to come spend with eight people and they
don't need money.
590
00:47:24,259 --> 00:47:27,581
They don't need any more accolades and they don't need any more awards.
591
00:47:27,722 --> 00:47:33,767
And that those people took that time to lean in, to engage, to embrace.
592
00:47:33,767 --> 00:47:42,411
um I walked away with an appreciation at a level for that, that stuff to replicate.
593
00:47:42,411 --> 00:47:43,315
so.
594
00:47:43,737 --> 00:47:52,750
I think that, um, as I look at all these relationships in my life and the people that I'm
around, there are significant impacts.
595
00:47:52,750 --> 00:47:56,890
The first point that you made, no person has done it on their own.
596
00:47:58,231 --> 00:48:07,564
And there are significant moments and significant impacts that almost everybody that I
come into contact with even a short period of time that they, um, that they provided for
597
00:48:07,564 --> 00:48:08,494
my life.
598
00:48:08,594 --> 00:48:13,015
And for you doing this, the documentary, the books and taking your time.
599
00:48:13,040 --> 00:48:17,624
Um, for somebody that didn't even know you, I'm not impacted by a lot.
600
00:48:17,624 --> 00:48:20,539
I should be more, but I appreciate you doing this.
601
00:48:20,539 --> 00:48:24,039
Yeah, so I, first of all, thanks for the opportunity.
602
00:48:24,679 --> 00:48:28,039
I, as I said, I have a little bit of an advantage.
603
00:48:28,039 --> 00:48:31,699
I've been around 40 more years than you have, so I better learn something from it.
604
00:48:31,699 --> 00:48:43,139
But I wanted to simplify the task, which is, I know there are a number of people that
influence you, not talking to you, to our listeners.
605
00:48:43,139 --> 00:48:48,079
Just pick one or two, but do it.
606
00:48:48,079 --> 00:48:49,463
But just do it.
607
00:48:49,463 --> 00:48:51,744
I had a fellow, I had another lunch.
608
00:48:51,905 --> 00:48:53,186
He said, I got it.
609
00:48:53,186 --> 00:48:54,597
I got how I'm going to do it.
610
00:48:54,597 --> 00:48:57,409
Sometimes they can't figure out, should I go visit, whatever.
611
00:48:57,409 --> 00:49:00,492
He decided he was going to ring, write some notes.
612
00:49:00,893 --> 00:49:06,377
Once again, he called me maybe a month later and he said, I'd like to tell you what the
experience was like.
613
00:49:06,377 --> 00:49:07,258
I said, I love it.
614
00:49:07,258 --> 00:49:09,479
That's how I get my compensation.
615
00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:10,451
It's all psychic.
616
00:49:10,451 --> 00:49:11,923
I love hearing these stories.
617
00:49:11,923 --> 00:49:13,623
They're really life-changing stories.
618
00:49:13,623 --> 00:49:17,286
So he came to me and he said, I want you to know, I wrote 17 letters.
619
00:49:19,349 --> 00:49:21,331
after I had lunch with you.
620
00:49:22,811 --> 00:49:27,911
And he said, every one of them was important to me.
621
00:49:27,911 --> 00:49:32,591
And he said, but the one I want to highlight is I sent one to my sister.
622
00:49:32,591 --> 00:49:34,531
Oh, I got chills again.
623
00:49:34,711 --> 00:49:38,751
I sent one to my sister who I haven't spoken to in 10 years.
624
00:49:40,549 --> 00:49:48,230
But when I thought about it and looked at her life and my life, I realized it did get
fractured.
625
00:49:48,772 --> 00:49:52,036
But she gave me an awful lot before that happened.
626
00:49:53,199 --> 00:49:56,703
And he said the letter rekindled the relationship.
627
00:49:59,801 --> 00:50:00,441
So good.
628
00:50:00,441 --> 00:50:05,645
Hey, I wish we had more time, but I'm going to take what we can get and I appreciate it.
629
00:50:05,645 --> 00:50:07,366
And I know the listeners will too.
630
00:50:07,366 --> 00:50:11,268
And thanks for the time you gave us here in January.
631
00:50:11,268 --> 00:50:15,961
And I can't wait to really dig into the gratitude express when it comes out here in a
couple of weeks.
632
00:50:15,961 --> 00:50:25,376
Yeah, and so I would say for just a final comment for people who want to explore a little
bit, I try to make it really easy on my website.
633
00:50:25,436 --> 00:50:33,600
So it's called just say it now.org and there have some of my presentations.
634
00:50:33,600 --> 00:50:36,882
They'll have ideas about how to do it.
635
00:50:36,882 --> 00:50:38,963
The Ted talk and other things.
636
00:50:38,963 --> 00:50:41,605
So it's kind of like one stop shopping right there.
637
00:50:41,605 --> 00:50:43,165
have nothing to sell.
638
00:50:43,646 --> 00:50:44,646
Thing.
639
00:50:44,767 --> 00:50:46,147
It's all.
640
00:50:47,961 --> 00:50:50,846
Walter Green, thank you, sir.
641
00:50:50,981 --> 00:50:53,056
Pleasure, thank you for your time Mark.